Thinking Allowed: Osaka to me

After a week in Osaka, I am smitten. We have all been in buoyant moods from the moment we disembarked at Kansai airport, where Super Marios and Bowsers outnumbered security guards two to one.

Japan is so clean! It’s so quiet! There’s no chaos or stench or pollution! For a city of three million, Osaka is mighty peaceful. We feel totally safe wandering everywhere. It’s mostly 5-10 degrees Celsius, which is refreshing. All the corner stores sell onigiri, which keeps the girls on a carbo high most of the time. Signs are festooned with cartoon animals (eg dogs, lions and cows show you how high the waves will rise on your street during the next tsunami). There are infinitely more playgrounds, even if they are mostly dust. They have nailed Kit Kat, including Matcha flavour and Adults Only flavour. Tova wants to live here permanently and has her first karate class Wednesday.

That’s not to say it’s all easy living. The toilets squirt immensely powerful jets of water into one’s nethers, a sort of impromptu colon cleansing if you will. The bathtub is twice as deep and half as long as it should be. Carrots are a dollar each. We are constantly offending everybody (we assume) by violating the countless unwritten rules: no eating while you walk; no thanking waiters; no screaming at the top of your lungs in the playground (thanks Zadie).

Net net, though, Osaka is charming as all get out. Our neighbourhood is sprinkled with tiny wood-paneled restaurants seating twelve, ancient Buddhist temples, and a surprising number of industrial garages which are all full of steel piping and rods. We are only a ten minute walk from Shinsaibashi, a kilometre-long arcade with every shop imaginable. At a Saturday morning market, we came across an ensemble of twelve drummers who played with such ferocious energy that Tova pulled her hat down over her ears, then all the way down to her chin. My back is doing a bit better, I suspect because it’s just so tempting to make it out for another stroll.

Tamar has been on many more far-reaching excursions around town - today they are aiming to visit a tower, temple, Ferris wheel, high-octane live show, boat cruise, and Legoland. Maybe she’ll write about them if she ever pauses for breath.